Numerous readers of the now infamous post that I’d like to respectfully put aside as there are other things worth talking about on the internet have sarcastically commented something-along-the-lines-of “Well, let’s post the seven types of bookseller, that’d show him, Har Har Har. And then we can tell him which type he is, the snarky bastard, hoist ‘im on his own petard and all that.”
To date, no one has posted the seven types of bookseller.
I feel this is because they
1. lack the requisite experience: Shopping at a bookstore and knowing anything at all about the bookselling business are two separate and totally different things. Like, on different continents kind of different.
2. don’t know what makes bookselling different from other retail: Anyone, just about, can run a register or stock shelves. We don’t expect them to know the difference between Hegel and Heidegger, or between Palladio (an architect) and the Palatine (just a hill, but with significance) — unless of course they work at a bookstore.
3. don’t even pay attention at their local bookstore: We’re all interchangable drones, equally competent (or incompetent, depending on your POV)
4. are just talking out of their ass. “Oh yeah, well… There are seven types of bookseller too, Mr. Blind. You’re nothin’ special. quit pickin’ on me. [*sob*]”
You don’t have the knowledge, experience, frame of reference, or the right to post a “seven types of bookseller”
…and you’re lucky I’ve all four — and a sense of humour.
The EIGHT types of booksellers:
Students.
Some of the students are still in high school, even — students are a core part of any retail work force; their salary expectations are low and their work hours (by necessity) are flexible — they can’t work during the day [classes, natch] but we’re open all hours and a large chunk of our evening staff is going to be students.
Students have some advantages: they are open to learning, the knowledge gleaned from classes usually contributes to their ability to help customers, at the college level they tend to be marginally smarter than the customer base; and they work for cheap.
They lack experience, so a manager has to be more aware and more ‘on task’ when herding a gaggle of students, but an actual dust-up with customers is rare. And they rarely make the same mistake twice. The students I’ve hired (with only one exception) have all been keepers — the only drawback is that eventually, they graduate, and get ‘real’ jobs.
Slackers.
A Slacker looks a lot like a student… just a tad older. And without the urge to graduate.
For some folks in retail, even if they otherwise claim grand goals & ambitions, it just never works out. A part time job becomes the only job.
It’s hard to say who will become a slacker, or why they stay in a low-paid retail job when other opportunities beckon, just out of reach.
A slacker isn’t doing a bad job, per se; or at least, not so bad a job that I’d fire them — they do just enough to get by. Customers who have to deal with slackers may feel vaguely put out, but not like they were slighted. They’re just a tad disappointed — like maybe someone else would have known the 15th century French poet, that starts with a P, or maybe an N? if only… Not that another bookseller would have known, but a slacker is quick to shut a customer down if there isn’t an actual question in the offing: “I’m sorry, I can’t find that. Is there anything else I can help with?”
As a manager, the trick is to pair slackers with other employees on a shift, or if there isn’t the opportunity for that, to make sure slackers don’t work long shifts by themselves.
Librarians.
The bookstore isn’t a library.
Let me repeat that: The Bookstore Isn’t a Library
There is an overlap in the public perception (“you both have books, don’t you?”) and yes, in fact, we both have books
But the goals are vastly different. One is a conservator of Knowledge, looking to preserve Ideas and to make the same accessible to the public — to ensure that the Wisdom needed by the public to participate in both the general discourse and the proper functioning of democracy is available to all regardless of financial means or education —
And the bookstore is looking to make a buck.
We’ll make a buck off of your ignorance if we have to.
When staffing a bookstore, of course we look for people who love books, but occasionally we’ll come across (and hire) a librarian by mistake. Librarians love books, and up to a point they make excellent booksellers, but for a bookstore the needs of the sale come before the books themselves. We need mercenaries, not librarians. Nothing in the store is sacred, every book is up for sale — the whole of global learning and culture, the sum of human experience, is just a feature we offer for purchase, with a cup of coffee.
That isn’t to say that a librarian is a bad bookseller: they know more than most and can provide excellent customer service. We just have to train them to adjust their mindset a bit.
Idiots.
Occasionally someone makes it through the interview process with all the boxes checked, with the right references, seemingly proficient and personable enough that hell, I’d hire them.
Only after a week or so, do I realize: they’re an idiot.
Idiots proliferate in every workplace; just good enough to get hired, apparently ‘getting hired’ is their only skill. We’d like to fire them, but it’s a litigious world out there and to fire anyone, even a corpse, it takes time. (“I realize you’ve been dead for three weeks, but as this is our fifth time revisiting this topic, I feel those circumstances are no longer a reasonable exemption for your recent drop in performance — this is your last warning; if we don’t see improvement I’m afraid we’ll have to let you go.”)
I apologize if you’ve had to deal with an Idiot. It’s hard to fire anyone, even idiots. The most we can do is correct them (multiple times a day, often) and hope that corporate legal lets us fire them soon.
Your Mom.
Ha ha. “Your Mom” is a punchline to so many jokes, you likely think I’m making funny.
No, in fact, given the need to staff a storefront for 14 hours a day, we hire quite a few atypical employees, some of whom can only work, say, from 9am to 3pm, while their kids are in class. If I’m lucky, I can also con them into working a weekend shift. And if I can hire your Gramma, that’s even better — unless she needs to babysit the grandkids, her schedule is wide open and actually, she looks forward to the engagement with customers and the opportunity to do something outside of the house.
I’ll hire Your Mom any day of the week. And I’ll ‘put her to work’ in as much as I’ll, um, put her to work. I like your mom, she’s one of my better employees.
Booksnobs.
Booksnobs are to bookstores like mold is to bread. If you sell books, you’re going to get booksnobs even if you don’t hire them to run the store. Turn your back, and they’re there.
In the best case with a booksnob, you’ve a passionate employee who knows the stock and can sell it.
In the worst case, you’ve an employee who knows everything but is so busy being a snob they can’t be bothered to deal with customers. — Just so you know: We fire people like that. We’re not snobs at the bookstore, we’re mercenaries. We take your money. That’s what we do, and we like it.
If you read the ‘seven types of bookstore customer’ and somehow came away with the impression that we hate money, let me disabuse you of that now: Bookstores want your money, even if you’re an idiot. That’s the retail business, and we’ll work doubly hard, especially if your an idiot, to separate you from you money, and we’ll have you thank us for doing it
That’s our job. Some of us are good at it.
Lifers.
Maybe they like retail. Maybe they like books. Maybe they’ve just exhausted other options, and have ended up at the bookstore.
Maybe they started with other retailers, but are now running a bookstore because we hired them for their retail expertise and have taught them bookselling in the interim.
Maybe they really like books and have been with the company for years, even before they graduated from college, and are still here because book selling is a calling for them.
They know the job. They know the product, and our shelving system, and all the tricks and hiccups in the computer search software, and the local market, and hell: odds are good they also know (first or second hand) what book was just on Oprah.
Booksellers like these are worth their weight in gold. Unfortunately, there aren’t quite enough of these mythical booksellers to staff the store all the time. If you show up 15 minutes before we close, you just might get a Slacker or an Idiot. I can’t say that’s my fault; you could try visiting the store during the other 90 hours a week that we’re open.
What do you want at 10:30PM on a Saturday? And why is your unreasonable expectation [every other retailer has been closed for a half hour — or for four hours] suddenly my fault?
Me.
So maybe there are only seven types of bookseller.
Fine.
…but then there’s me.
Not only do I know enough to do the job, I think about it on my own time.
I’m someone who is studied in history, philosophy, literature, classics, and current events; who can spell mis-pronounced titles in English, French, Italian, Spanish, German, Latin, or even Japanese, who knows the difference between Hegel and Heidegger, or between neoclassical Palladian architecture and the classical palaces of Palatine hill. I can direct you to one of the one hundred thousand different items, and I can do it all before breakfast. Where are you going to find an expert on Shakespeare, Sci-Fi, history, sociology, psychology, mythology…
Heck, I was a physics major; you’d need real skills to trip me up on science and math…
You’d be lucky to have me on a team for Bar Trivia.
You should be so lucky as to shop at my store.
##
I know tens of thousands of internet readers saw the ‘seven types’ post. Despite all those who sarcastically said there should be the same for booksellers, no one bothered to follow up.
I think about my job every day. I don’t just show up. I don’t just go through the motions. Sure, it’s retail: but retail isn’t a condemnation of my character or a limitation on my goals. It’s business. And apparently, I think more about my business than all of you.
I know my staff at least as well as I know my customer base. I don’t expect an acknowlegement from the detractors, but I hope at the very least (unless you have something to contribute) you’ll shut the hell up.
Some consideration of the skills needed of your local bookseller, especially considering the typical tenor of your stoopid questions, is all I ask.
This isn’t the grocery store. Kindly recognize that we’ve skills, and they’re skills you rely on.